


Is This Love?

by maginot



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Cuddling, Fluff and Angst, Heartache, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-06-16 20:14:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15444957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maginot/pseuds/maginot
Summary: See, Keith loves Shiro. He knows he does now and there's nothing about this that feels good. He doesn't want it anymore, can't believe he ever wanted it. Love sucks, love hurts, and Keith wants a damn refund.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> *vine voice* Hi, welcome to pining.

“How do you know when you love someone?” 

It’s a question Keith overheard his classmates talking about during their lunch period. He hadn’t made any friends at his new school, nor did he want to. Every day he found an empty chair at the far side of a table to sit in. He ate alone and he didn't care, no matter what any of his instructors said when they thought Keith wasn’t listening. 

“Well, you get butterflies in your stomach. You kind of get all nervous and your heart gets all fluttery. When you’re with them, you feel warm all over and happy. Love is when you don’t want to do anything else besides being with them.”

Keith took a bite of his sandwich and listened to the other kids around him offer their two cents about love. Keith didn’t have any experience being in love or anything, but to have someone who would rather spend time with him than do anything else (and vice versa) sounded really good. 

It sounded unfamiliar. In that moment, Keith desperately wanted it, to love and to be loved back. 

He made a mental list of what it took to be in love, just because he wanted to remember it. The butterflies, the fluttery heart, the warmth, the happiness, the feeling like you never want to be anywhere else. It was so much-- an impossible goal that Keith didn’t think he’d ever be able to reach. Love… for him? It seemed just as likely as his mother storming through the doors of the school to come pick him up. 

Keith wanted it, but it wouldn’t happen. 

Two years later it feels even more like a pipe dream, but Keith still wants it and he still remembers. 

…

 

Keith rocks his chair back enough so that he can put his feet onto Shiro’s desk. His book is perched in his lap and even with his eyes trained on it he can still see Shiro’s scowl out of the corners of his vision. He keeps reading, since he’s pretty sure Shiro will kick him out otherwise. For the past two years that he’s been at the Garrison, that’s always been Shiro’s rule. Get to work or get out. 

After a few seconds, he hears Shiro’s gentle sigh and a little huff of breath that wants to take the shape of a laugh. It makes Keith smile a little, and he gives himself a moment to peek up at Shiro. He’s looking down at his own work, still with a bit of a grin on his lips and for the first time Keith notices just how _long_ Shiro’s eyelashes are. He studies them for a moment, how dark they are, how they curve up just slightly and how they make shadows on Shiro’s cheeks in the midday light. 

Then Keith has to look down at his book again, because suddenly he’s too overwhelmed to look at Shiro anymore. It isn’t a bad overwhelmed, he doesn’t feel like he needs to leave or anything-- in fact it’s the opposite. In that moment Keith’s almost afraid Shiro will have to do something else besides sit here with Keith. He doesn’t want that, at least not until he gets the courage to look up at Shiro again. 

He manages to read one more line of his book before he works up the nerve. He looks up and he thinks it was a mistake because Shiro’s brighter than the sun in this moment and it almost burns to look at him. Not only are his eyelashes still there but his hair looks soft and falls in front of one of his eyes since his head is still bent down. Then there’s his nose and his lips- 

Keith’s brain stops processing things for a moment when he notices Shiro’s lips. They’re just a little plump and pink and they look soft. Keith feels his heart flutter in his chest and his stomach turns in knots. 

Oh _no_.

He wants to kiss Shiro. 

The realization hits him so hard he’s stunned, stuck in place and helpless to do anything but look at Shiro and blink. 

Then Shiro’s looking up at him, eyebrows just slightly furrowed with his dark eyes and long, dark eyelashes looking right at Keith, with a soft and sweet little smile tugging at the corners of his pink lips that's just for Keith. 

Keith knows that whatever insane train of thought he’s experiencing isn’t one he should explore. He needs to get out of there. He needs to go run and leave and go lie facedown on his bed until whatever he’s experiencing goes away. 

“You okay?” Shiro asks, his grin growing and oh, Shiro, can you not?

“Yeah, I was just leaving. I’m gonna go grab something to eat from the commissary.”

“Okay. You go do that.” 

Keith stands to leave Shiro’s office, fighting against gravity harder than he’s ever had to before. 

“See you, Keith.”

Keith turns to look at Shiro, entertaining himself one last time, standing in front of the sun just for one second more. 

His mouth is dry when he says, “Yeah, see you.” 

… 

Don't let anyone say that Keith Kogane couldn't do what he wanted. After that moment he had in Shiro's office, everything went back to normal. Keith managed to think himself back into seeing Shiro's eyelashes as just eyelashes and his lips as just lips. Shiro stopped shining around the edges, and everything was okay again. 

Keith did his best to study hard and do well and get into as little trouble as he could. He absolutely didn’t find himself spending more time in Shiro’s office. He absolutely didn’t steal little glances that he would have never wanted to take before. 

_Absolutely not._

Everything was _fine_ , until it wasn't. 

Shiro invited Keith to eat dinner in his apartment as he sometimes does when Keith does something Shiro’s really proud of. This time it was passing all his finals with A’s. Keith doesn’t know how he managed to pull it off. It wasn’t the extra time he spent studying in Shiro’s office that didn’t happen ever. Regardless, Keith had done it and Shiro was happy as can be. He and his boyfriend, Adam, ordered Keith some pizza and watched a movie about guys driving fast cars that Keith openly loved, Shiro secretly loved, and Adam didn’t love at all. It was a nice night and everything really was fine. 

And then Keith left his bag next to Shiro’s front door. 

He was halfway to his room when he realized it, turning around on his heel with a soft curse. Shiro’s door was still unlocked when he tried it. “Hey, it’s just me! Forgot my bag!” is what Keith would have said had he not peaked his head around the door and seen Shiro’s dumb long eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks and his dumb, pink, pretty lips puckered, kissing, kissing Adam. It looked like a good kiss, not like Keith would know, but it did. Shiro’s big hand was on the side of Adam’s face and it looked, it looked--

It looked like something Keith wanted. 

He grabs his bag quietly and slips out the door where came, where he belonged.

Keith looks at the floor and makes his way back to his own room. He can hear his own breath loudly in his ears. He feels panicked, like he wants to run, like every step he takes away from Shiro's apartment is one step closer to safety, which is never how it normally feels. Keith's happy that his roommate is gone when he gets there, and without turning on the light he kicks off his shoes and crawls into his bed. He pulls the covers up over his head and tucks himself into a ball, still breathing hard. 

His eyes start to pickle and burn and he doesn't know why he’s crying. It was just a kiss. He's seen people kiss before, he just hasn't seen Shiro kiss anyone before. Shiro, who makes him feel happy and warm. Shiro, who smiles at him and makes his stomach fill with butterflies. Shiro, who is the one person in the world that Keith wants to be with and is happy being with all the time. Shiro, who Keith thinks is downright beautiful. Shiro, who Keith wishes he could kiss. 

Then, everything makes sense. Then, Keith gets angry, and angry tears are spilling hot down his cheeks and God, Keith wants to go back in time and punch that kid that talked about love like it was the most beautiful thing in the world, who talked about love like it was sunshine and rainbows all wrapped into one. 

See, Keith loves Shiro. He knows he does now and there's nothing about this that feels good. He doesn't want it anymore, can't believe he ever wanted it. Love sucks, love hurts, and Keith wants a damn refund. 

He knows that he has no business loving Shiro, but with that he knows that Shiro will never love him back either. Shiro will never kiss him or touch his face with a big, warm hand. Shiro will never love him. 

Keith wraps his blanket around himself tighter and lets himself cry, because this wasn't what love was supposed to feel like and he thinks he's allowed this-- but only for tonight. Tomorrow he's done. Tomorrow he'll be over it. He's done being sad about something he can't change, something he shouldn't want at all. 

Tonight's the last time Keith will cry about Takashi Shirogane.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In that moment, Keith decides that love isn’t all bad, even if he can’t have everything he wants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I lied and I’m posting it today 
> 
> *** indicates a change in POV

A few things happen in quick succession. First, Keith finds out that Shiro’s sick. When he does, it feels like the floor he was standing on had a trap door and he’s falling, falling and he might never stop falling. Shiro senses it, because of course he does, and puts a hand around Keith’s shoulder. Keith can’t stop himself, doesn’t want to stop, wrapping both of his arms around Shiro and hugging him. He smells musky and warm, a little bit like sweat and Keith doesn’t want to let go because that’s Shiro, his Shiro, and he’s sick. 

“You’re going to be fine,” Keith tells him, muffled into his shoulder, since he feels like he’s supposed to be the one supporting Shiro instead of being the one who’s falling apart. 

Shiro pulls back from the hug. When he smiles at Keith it’s sad. “No, I’m not, Keith.” 

Keith knows he won’t, knows that Shiro will just keep getting sicker and sicker and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop it. He wants to say that maybe somewhere, someone, will find a cure or maybe there will be a new treatment but he knows it’s not true. He knows that Shiro won’t be fine. But he won’t be alone. Shiro has Adam, he has Keith. He won’t be alone. 

“Maybe not,” Keith tells Shiro. “But you’ll be okay.” 

Shiro Pulls him back into the hug.

The second thing that happens is Shiro, right inside that hug, tells Keith that Adam left him. 

“What?” Keith asks, and this time he’s breaking off the hug. He takes a step back. Adam and Shiro have been together since they were teenagers. With Shiro days away from leaving for Kerberos, why would Adam leave him now?

 

Shiro answers Keith’s unasked question, “He didn’t want to see me sacrifice the last few good years of my life on this mission. He said he couldn't. He couldn’t do it.” Shiro puts his head down, looking completely shattered. Looking as heartbroken as Keith felt all those months ago, crying in his bed and realizing that Shiro would never love him.

Keith’s fury comes rushing back. Love really seems to want him to hold a grudge. “How could he just do that? How could he just leave you when--when you need him? Why can’t he support your dreams? You’ve been working for this for-“

“Keith,” Shiro starts. “It isn’t just that. It’s… complicated.” He sighs. “Adam’s just taking care of himself.” 

Keith bites his lip, watching Shiro meet his eyes. “Well, fine,” Keith spits. He’s still angry. “But who’s going to take care of _you_?” He doesn’t mean for the effort he’s exhausting trying not to cry to make his voice crack, but it does anyway.

Shiro’s face gives him a smile and Keith blames the swirling hurricane of emotion inside him as the reason that he thinks about how beautiful Shiro is in that moment. “I don’t need anyone to take care of me, Keith. I’m a big boy.” 

Keith just rolls his eyes. 

He follows Shiro back to his apartment and the lack of Adam is vibrant, speckling the entire apartment with empty spaces that used to be full. Shiro looks around the space, like he’s counting the missing pieces of his home and making sure they’re all the same as they were before-- like he’s hoping that maybe, just maybe, a few will have appeared again. He’s kind of stuck here, jacket in hand just blinking and looking a second away from crying. 

Keith scrambles a little, thinking of anything he can say to bring Shiro back to the present moment. “I want pineapples on my pizza,” is what he ends up saying. 

It works, Shiro blinks twice in rapid succession and then he’s back, whipping his head around to where Keith’s standing next to him. He raises an eyebrow, “No you don’t.” 

Keith smirks, knowing that Shiro’s heard enough of his feelings about pineapple on pizza to know that he wasn’t telling the truth. “I don’t. But I do want mozzarella sticks. What about you?”

“That sounds perfect.” 

After they order, Shiro starts to fade off a little again. Keith follows his eyeline and finds Shiro staring at a picture of him and Adam, hung on the fridge by a little magnet shaped like a banana. If Shiro didn’t look like he was a dam ready to crack and overflow at any moment with the slightest bit of pressure, Keith might recognize the obvious happiness and radiant love between the two of them as something good and not just a precursor for pain. 

Without hesitation, Keith walks straight into the living room and plops himself down on the couch (Adam would have given him such a look). He grins and picks up the remote, putting his dirty shoes all over Adam’s coffee table. He finds the movie they watched months before with the fast cars. Adam had hated it and Keith saw Shiro tampering his excitement here and there-- trying not to look foolish or childish in front of Adam. Keith buys the movie without asking Shiro and turns the volume up louder than he’s ever heard Shiro’s TV go. 

“You’d look great in that car,” Keith points to the one on screen. It’s a sleek-looking black hot rod. 

He hears Shiro’s footsteps getting closer and a thoughtful hum. Keith starts to smile. “I would,” Shiro agrees. “You’d look great in that one,” Shiro leans over the back of the couch across Keith’s body to point to a red car. It’s similar to the one Keith had picked for Shiro, but it has a more rounded shape and a spoiler. Keith loves it. “But you’d crash it within an hour.” 

Keith laughs, because they both know there’s no way Keith would crash a sports car if he can (or will be able to) fly a spaceship better than anyone in the entire Garrison besides Shiro. “Yeah, right.” 

The rest of the night goes like that, yelling too loud, laughing, and talking over the movie. It’s so different than the other times they’ve done this and Keith thinks it’s perfect. It’s a shiny new memory that Shiro can take of Keith to Kerberos with him, one last happy laughing night to have and keep. Keith’s so happy he could do this, he’s so happy that he was the one to make Shiro smile. His heart flutters and he feels warm all over. He desperately wishes he could lean over and kiss Shiro in this moment, but then Shiro looks at him and smiles, cracking a joke about one of the actors on screen and Keith decides that just seeing Shiro smile is enough. It’s more than enough. He wants to do it again and again-- live in it and build a home there, bask in it forever until he can’t anymore. It’s enough. His heart is full and happy, just being here. 

In that moment, Keith decides that love isn’t all bad, even if he can’t have everything he wants. 

… 

Pilot error. 

Keith hears the words echo within him-- when he's asleep, when he's awake, when he sits in class, when he tries to eat. 

Every minute of his life is consumed by it. 

_Pilot error, pilot error, pilot error_

There was a pilot error, and Shiro was dead. 

Keith didn't have any more tears to cry by the time the instructors at the Garrison started using Shiro as an example of what not to do. All he had left was rage. 

“There was no error!” Keith stands up at his desk, slamming his fists on top of it. “Shiro would have never made an error like that! You know that!” He flings his arms out, encompassing everyone in the room, in the entire school inside his anger. “You ALL know that!” 

He sees red. He doesn’t stop seeing red for days, through second and third chances, through pep talks and instructors telling him that he should calm down and focus and just do what Shiro would want him to do. He doesn’t stop then, no. He’s a tornado of fury, of pain, knocking down everything that comes his way. He flattens it all-- tearing through his life violent as a storm. Then he’s eighteen, a legal adult, and it makes sense that the Garrison waits until then to kick him out. They don’t have to feel bad about leaving the kid that the respected Takashi Shirogane cared about so much without a home. 

Keith’s on his own now. For his last act of defiance at the Garrison, he sneaks down to where the hoverbikes are kept. He takes the keys to one, Shiro’s to be exact, and with one final gust of wind, he finds himself an abandoned shack a short ways from the Garrison, just because he doesn’t have anywhere else to go. He doesn’t know how he finds it, just knows that he does— like it was calling for him, like it was inviting him and his misery inside of it. It’s a roof over his head, and inside it, he realizes that he wishes that he had never met Shiro at all. If he hadn’t, he wouldn’t have forgotten what it was like to be completely alone. 

He’s lost himself, lost Shiro, lost everything. That’s when he hears it, feels it— something telling him to search.

He picks himself up, piece by piece and swears he’ll find whatever he was meant to. He hopes beyond his wildest dreams that it’s Shiro.

He dreams of finding him sometimes, of Shiro landing back on earth in some majestic ship, triumphant and smug. He tells the Garrison off for doubting him, throws his samples and experiments on the ground in front of the gaping leaders and walks away. Sometimes he walks off and gives Keith (who’s standing in the crowd of onlookers) a big happy smile, like the ones he gave Keith the last time they saw each other. Sometimes, in the better dreams, he strolls right up to Keith and cups his face gently with one big, warm, alive hand and kisses him senseless. Those dreams are Keith’s favorite to dream, but he never seems to be able to get out of bed after he wakes from them. 

When Shiro does come back, it’s with a crash landing. There’s no smugness about him as he’s helplessly strapped to a table, sedated, wearing scraps of clothing, looking gaunt and his arm replaced by something robotic and alien. Keith’s there anyway, wouldn’t dream of anything otherwise. So are Lance, the big kid from his class whose name he can’t remember and a little guy he’s never seen before. It works and it’s fine because Shiro’s heavy. He’s heavy because he’s alive and Keith’s got him and he’s safe. Keith lets him sleep off the anesthesia in his bed and is right there when Shiro wakes up.

Then Shiro smiles at him again and the sun rises for the first time in a year. 

He shows Shiro what he’s found and the little guy (Pidge) and the big guy (Hunk) have found their own things too. Next thing Keith knows he’s on a magical Blue robot lion spaceship, then he’s in a wormhole, then he’s in a space castle and on a red lion of his own and it’s days before he has a thought other than ‘what the fuck is going on?’ But it’s almost okay because otherwise, he probably would have taken Shiro by the face and said something like, ‘I love you. I love you so damn much I couldn’t do anything while you were gone. It hurt to breathe because that’s how much I love you.’ 

Yeah, Keith’s glad he never got the chance to say any of that. 

***

Shiro’s lost track of the days since he last had a foot on the soil of planet earth. Granted, it was only for a few hours, but he was still there. He never thought he’d be back, but he never thought that he’d drive a robotic lion either. 

A lot of things he never expected keep seem to keep happening. 

He finds himself in the castle’s star chart room. There’s a button he can press that makes the entire room light up with 3D images of the constellations nearby. He doesn’t know a single one. He doesn’t know if that’s comforting or not. All he knows is that he keeps finding himself there when he can’t sleep (which is often), and that Keith keeps finding him there too. 

Keith, who saved him, who found him. Keith, who never gave up on him, still keeps finding him even now. 

“Couldn’t sleep?” He asks Shiro. 

Shiro doesn’t see any point in lying, Keith’s seen enough of who he’s become to deserve the truth. “No.” 

“Shiro…” he sighs. These days their entire script feels reversed. Shiro feels like for once, Keith’s the one looking out for him. Shiro doesn’t know if he finds that comforting or not either. 

Keith sits down next to him, their shoulders almost touching. Shiro feels the warmth from Keith’s body and lets out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. 

“I feel like I should be the one asking you if you’re okay,” Shiro admits. “It’s been a wild couple of days.”

“Weeks,” Keith corrects, and that answers a question Shiro had been too afraid to ask. Keith bumps his shoulder then, says, “It has been, but it’s okay because you’re here.”

Keith’s eyes look especially violet in the reflection of the constellations around them. They’ve always been a color that Shiro’s never seen before, but right now he takes a second to just look into them. Keith’s gaze doesn’t waver and it’s a couple heartbeats too long before Shiro finally blinks and looks away at the stars surrounding them. Keith looks away too, after a moment. 

It’s been quiet for awhile when Shiro finally manages, “I’m so tired, Keith.”

Keith’s hand goes to his shoulder. “We could sleep here. Maybe having a different view and someone to watch your back would help.” 

Shiro gives Keith the biggest smile he can, it isn’t much, but Keith seems to appreciate it. 

Keith comes back from gathering blankets and pillows. He sets them up head to head, foot to foot with some space in between. Shiro eases himself down, places his head on the pillow. He turns and sees Keith gazing up at the stars. “Which ones that?” Keith asks, point a finger upwards. 

Shiro laughs. “I have no idea.” 

That makes Keith laugh too. “We have plenty of time to learn, Shiro. We’ve got this.” 

Keith drifts off to sleep first. He had obviously been tired and staying awake only to check on Shiro. Shiro wants to feel guilty about it, and he really would if Keith’s body wasn’t just close enough to his to feel the warmth radiating from him. He didn’t even realize he was cold. Shiro rolls to his side so that he’s facing Keith. He feels warm when he falls asleep. 

***

Keith wakes up slowly, then all at once. His nose is pressed hard into Shiro’s shoulder (not the metal one, thankfully) and it takes him a few breaths to realize that Shiro's metal arm is thrown haphazardly across them both. He isn’t sure what time it is, but he does know that the 3D stars of the star chart have automatically shut themselves off. 

Shiro’s still asleep next to him and Keith takes a minute to watch his chest rise and fall. He feels… good like this, next to Shiro. The realization that it won’t last hits his heart with a pang. He takes a deep breath in and out, careful not to move too much and wake Shiro.

He thinks, _I love you. I love you. I’ll do this for you every night if it makes you sleep_. Then he closes his eyes and lets himself drift off again, stealing every moment he can. 

***

Shiro wakes up cuddling Keith. There’s no if, ands or buts about it— he’s cuddling Keith. 

He would hate it more if he didn’t feel rested for the first time since…. well, for as long as he can remember. He’s cozy, really, and doesn’t feel like moving. He assumes the others are up or about to wake up, and he wouldn’t be surprised if Coran and Allura hadn’t already spotted them in here. He doesn’t care as much as he should when it comes to them, but this is something he doesn’t think the other paladins should see. He tells himself it’s because he doesn’t want them to see how broken he is— not like that isn’t part of it, but he’s _cuddling with Keith_. He’s cuddling with Keith and he doesn’t want to get up. 

He starts counting seconds, hitting the snooze on the alarm telling him he has to move. He gives himself five more minutes (quintants, doboshes? He needs to learn more about how they keep time here) before he gets up, and even then it’s a painful struggle. He eases himself from around Keith slowly, wanting him to stay asleep if possible. It works for a moment, and Shiro’s selfish with this time, using it to just look at Keith. He’s changed so much since the last time Shiro saw him. 

Shiro assumes Keith would say the same about him. 

When Keith wakes up it’s with a stretch and a yawn that gives way to a sleepy little smile. 

“Hey,” Keith croaks, voice rough with morning. 

“Hey.”

He half expects Keith to tease him about how cuddly he is while he sleeps, in fact, he wants him to, wants him to break the tension that Shiro inadvertently caused. Instead Keith teases him about something else, and it turns out to have an even better effect. “Next time we do this, you better know some of these constellations or I’m going back to my bed.”

Shiro breathes a sigh full of relief and gratitude. Keith’s saying a lot with that. He’s saying that he didn’t hate it, that he’s okay with how everything turned out and most of all, he’s saying that Shiro can do this again— that they can do this again when they need to. 

Shiro hopes he can start to sleep regularly now, but he’s not foolish enough to count on it. Instead he says, “Yeah, well maybe you should learn some too. I’ve done my share of teaching.” For that he’s rewarded with another sleepy smile. 

***

They don’t sleep together every night. Some nights neither of them get to sleep at all. They’re either busy with voltron or some other paladin task. Some nights Keith passes out in his own bed before he can go to check and see where Shiro is. Some nights Shiro just passes out in his. But some nights they find each other in the star chart room— whether it be Keith or Shiro that heads in first varies more than Keith thought it would— but it always ends up the same. They find each other, they talk about the stars, they sleep.

Keith thinks it’s not a bad habit to keep. It gets Shiro to sleep on the nights where he wouldn’t have otherwise. Sometimes it gets Keith to sleep the same way too. It’s good. It’s okay. It feels the same way for Keith as getting Shiro to smile did. It feels like it’s enough. 

He’s seen enough of Shiro breaking— cracking around the edges, a thin sheet of glass— to just want to be there for him, to want to protect him from the war inside his mind. That’s all that matters right now. 

Keith learns that sometimes, love means putting yourself aside. 

***

It's late and Shiro waits for Keith, waiting and a little shaky and entirely too anxious to do anything with the stars but stare up at them. He almost gives up, heads back to bed but then Keith stumbles bleary-eyed and shuffling through the door, pillows and blankets in hand. He looks upset. 

“You okay?” Shiro asks. The shake of Keith's head shatters what little hold he has left, and when Keith sets up their beds on the floor Shiro doesn't hesitate, he doesn't think. All he does is feel when he wraps Keith's body up into his own-- Keith's back to his chest. He holds Keith tightly and realizes they're both shaking a little. He presses his nose into the crook of Keith's neck and whispers, “We're okay,” because tonight that's all he's got. 

Keith intertwines their fingers together, weaving his with Shiro's delicately. Then, they sleep. 

… 

Shiro wakes up in what he can assume is the equivalent of the middle of the night. He knows that time passes when you're floating in space and not in a world with days and nights, but he never put in the effort to figure out how else to count the passing of time outside of how he would on earth. He can tell it hasn't been long though, as the star chart is still on, speckling the entire room its glow. He's still drowsy and it takes him a moment go figure out what's awaken him. 

It’s Keith. He stirred a little in his sleep, his face pushed into Shiro's neck, his hair tickling the bottom of Shiro's chin. Shiro closes his eyes, feeling ready to drift off again. He shifts, trying to get as comfortable as he can while lying on the floor. He pulls Keith's body closer to his, wraps his arms around Keith completely. It's enough to make Keith stir. He tilts his head up at Shiro, blinking his sleepy eyes open. “You alright?” he mumbles. 

“Mmhm.” Shiro's smiling when he says it. Soft and sweet because Keith looks--

Well he looks beautiful, stunning actually. He looks sleepy and sweet and like everything good. Shiro's arm leaves Keith's side and moves to brush Keith's hair away from his face. Keith's eyes close and he is still smiling. Shiro can't help himself and maybe his brain just stopped working altogether tonight because again, he doesn't think. He presses a soft kiss to Keith's temple and closes his eyes too while Keith makes a soft pleased hum. 

Suddenly, all at one the switch flicks, power returns to his brain at an alarming rate. 

Then, he thinks, _oh shit_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3 will be set at the end of season 1 and the begging of season 2. Spicy ;)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith gives Shiro comfort he didn't know he needed. Then, they get sucked into a wormhole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place during the season 2 ep 1!

He wonders if his brain had been too cloudy with Keith to save Allura. He wonders if that’s why he let her sacrifice herself. Coran is fuming, angry and worried and Shiro feels a dark cloud of guilt gathering inside of him, a storm ready to obscure his vision even more. He refuses to let it. Shiro breathes in and with his exhale, he pushes every feeling he can out of him. He needs to focus, he needs to get Allura back to them and right the wrong he didn’t stop.

There’s a moment when the other paladins are searching for anything, anyway to get Allura back when Shiro takes a moment to himself. He steps into his room and sits on his bed, hands cradling his head between his legs. He keeps letting the people he cares about get hurt. Why does he keep doing that? When will he learn how to stop it? 

“Shiro?” And it’s Keith that’s somehow made his way into Shiro’s room to the edge of Shiro’s bed. Keith’s hand falls gently onto Shiro’s shoulder. 

Shiro’s skin feels like it’s on fire. All at once the only thought his mind can make is, Keith is next, Keith is next. You’re going to get him hurt. Keith is next. He breathes in and with it, all his feelings trickle back like a faucet left on just a little. 

“No,” Shiro says, voice shaking. He hears Keith’s gasp and feels Keith’s hand leave his shoulder. His skin stops burning but his chest stars, knives digging through every part of him. His skin stabbed suddenly by the lack of Keith’s hand on it. That feels worse. “ _No_ ,” he repeats, more frantic than before. He reaches out for Keith, his hands finding the edges of Keith’s paladin armor. He pulls on it, willing Keith to come closer, or maybe just so he can push Keith harder, get him to leave for good. 

Then the bed next to him sinks and Keith’s trying his best to pull Shiro close to him. Shiro goes, easy and Keith wraps his arms around him, cradles his face to Keith’s chest with a gloved hand. 

“Shiro,” Keith says, understanding now. “This isn’t your fault.”

Shiro doesn’t feel that way. He says, “First Matt and Sam, then Allura.” He gives a shaky breath. “You’re next. I do this to everyone. You’re next.” Keith somehow gets Shiro even closer. “I don’t want you to be next. Please, Keith. Don’t.” Shiro’s trying so hard to do what he promised himself he would and just throw his feelings away for the moment where they need to be, but Keith’s gently stroking his face and Keith’s warm and Keith’s completely surrounding him. Everything he sees and smells is Keith. Everything he feels is Keith. He knew that things have been changing but this, this moment hits him so hard he thinks that if Keith’s grip on him wasn’t so tight he’d run out the door. He can’t, because Keith’s there and he doesn’t want to, because _Keith’s there_. 

“Shiro, none of that was your fault.” Keith tells him. Shiro can barely hear Keith over the sound of his heart beating in his chest against his ear. “I’m not going anywhere.” And Shiro’s quiet for a moment, keeps listening to the beating of Keith’s heart because it feels like the most steady thing around him right now.

“What if you do, Keith?” Shiro picks his head up and looks Keith in the eyes, frantic. He grips at Keith’s arms. “What if you do?”

“Then you’ll go in to get me, just like you are with Allura,” and he sounds so sure that Shiro wants to believe him. “You’d save me, just like you’re going to save her.”

Shiro takes a few breaths, trying to steady himself, focusing, becoming ready, patient and waiting for the mission to begin. It’s taking longer than he wants. His body wobbles with the feeling of being unsure. “Are we ready to go?” He asks.

“Not yet, but we should get back out there to help.” Keith says. Then, he adds, “in a minute.”

Shiro’s head falls back onto Keith’s chest, letting Keith hold him, breathing in the soothing smell of him that Shiro’s grown accustomed to recently. . Shiro realizes then just how safe Keith makes him feel. He’s known it on a base level but now it’s loud, demanding his attention. It’s now that he realizes that it isn’t the same kind of safety that it is when he has one of the other paladins at his back. This kind of safety is something more. Keith is something more. That in and of itself doesn't feel safe at all but Shiro doesn’t have time to add that back into his earlier equation right now. Keith told him it’d be okay. He keeps listening to Keith’s heartbeat and lets it beat him back to where he needs to be.

…

He hears Coran’s words in his headset loud and clear. They have no control over where they’re headed. Shiro’s hand presses over the wound the witch gave him. It hurts, it _burns_ and Shiro would be more worried if the black lion wasn’t being torn from the castle without any ability for him to stop it. He screams, half from the pain radiating from his side and half from his lion shouting _No! No!_ inside his head so loudly that his ears ring. He hears Keith screaming, hears Lance screaming his and Keith’s names.

The black lion breaks through the corrupted purple of the wormhole, flying out of control into the atmosphere of a planet Shiro doesn’t know. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees the red lion next to him. Shiro realizes that he’s not even sure if the red lion is functional. The black lion is going to crash. The red lion is going to crash. Shiro’s final thought before everything goes black is: _Keith._

***

It takes Keith a full two minutes to remember Shiro crash-landed with him. He can’t lie, he feels guilty about it. 

He has to find him. Shiro crash-landed on a planet once before and Keith found him then. It's second nature by now.

When he does, this time Keith is in the black lion, of all things. 

Keith steps out, a proud, triumphant grin on his face. Shiro's eyes are widened. “Keith, W-what?”

Keith's grin shorts out when he sees Shiro's hand to his side, a purple glow radiating from beneath it. 

“It was the witch.” Shiro's breath stutters in pain. Shiro, who's spent his adult life living in pain everyday and never showed a hint of it. If Shiro shows pain like this, Keith knows that any other man would be unconscious. 

“Fuck,” Keith swears, still stuck on the runway of the lion. 

Then the most possible Shiro thing that could happen at this moment happens. He _smiles_ and says, “My thoughts exactly.”

Red finds them after he wakes up, which doesn't surprise Keith at all. He'd felt Red’s agitation at not being able to see Keith and figured he'd decide to search for them rather than wait. He lands next to black with this little annoyed growl that makes Keith roll his eyes and Shiro laugh. 

“You two have really bonded.”

“Yeah, I guess we have.” Keith smiles up at red for a moment before he looks back to Shiro. He's got this different kind of fond look on his face that makes Keith's insides turn to jelly. It's been awhile since that's happened and for a second, it takes Keith's breath away. 

It returns when Shiro says, “If I don't make it out of here, Keith, I want you to lead Voltron.”

Keith scoffs through the knife that settles itself somewhere between his heart and his stomach. “You're going to make it. Stop talking like that.” Keith feels his heart break with the pressure of the knife. Shiro's hand still hasn't left his side. He was right when he joked earlier about the wound getting bigger. It really was, spreading up his side dangerously. 

A horrible thought crosses Keith's mind then. What if Shiro doesn't? He's already played a game with death before and won. What if he loses this time? Keith swallows around the feeling crushing his windpipe. 

“You could do it. You'd be a great leader.”

“Shiro, stop.”

“Keith, you have to-”

Then Keith can't take it anymore. His heart pounds and he's overrun with the need to make Shiro stop just as much as he is with the fear that maybe Shiro really will die here, and if he dies, he has to know. This might be Keith's last chance to let him know. He scoots himself closer to Shiro, their hips flush, and then he takes Shiro's face in both of his hands, pointing it towards his. 

“Shiro…” Keith trails off, breathing through his nerves and fears and everything running through him. Shiro's eyes are bright when Keith tells him, finally, after years of knowing it. “Shiro, I'm in love with you.” Then he does something before Shiro has a chance to respond, because he has to do it at least once. He just has to. Keith presses their lips together. To his surprise, he feels the pressure of Shiro's lips on his, kissing him back. It starts off closed-mouth and chaste and then Shiro deepens it. Keith misses the hint Shiro's tongue gives him the first two times but then he gets it, opens his mouth to let Shiro in all the way. He kisses back too fast, but he's a quick learner and as usual, Shiro's a good leader. He sets the pace of the kiss, making Keith slow down, licking into Keith's mouth, breathing hard for more reasons than pain now. It takes Keith by surprise, being kissed like this, but he knows Shiro doesn't do anything halfway. If Shiro is going to kiss him, Shiro is going to _kiss him._

Then Keith sighs, a sigh that he's been holding in for years-- since he saw Adam and Shiro kissing back on earth, back what feels like a lifetime ago. Shiro reaches up and places one big hand on Keith's face and Keith just sighs. Shiro's hand is warm there. Keith leans into the kiss even more. He's getting everything he wants. He's so in love. He knows that Shiro's other hand is holding his glowing wound. He knows that Shiro isn't holding back a fraction in this kiss because he thinks he's going to die here. Keith knows that the kiss wouldn't be happening at all if he too didn't believe there was a chance of it. He stops thinking then, because this is something he's been dreaming of for far too long. This is a kiss he'd never thought he'd get. Keith kisses him, and keeps kissing him and Shiro keeps kissing him back. Keith learns what love feels like inside a kiss.

It isn't until Shiro breaks them apart that Keith realizes he is dizzy from a lack of breathing. He pants with it, gasping breaths filling his lungs. His hands refuse to leave Shiro's face, he just wants another minute. 

“I, I-” Shiro starts. He cuts himself off, leaning in to kiss Keith again. 

Then Keith hears the unmistakable sound of a wormhole. The breath that leaves his chest is hitched and grateful. 

Shiro's not dying today. They both smile. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, follow me on tumblr at pieceofsheith or come yell at me on twitter @ gay_shiro. hope you liked!

**Author's Note:**

> Keith.... sweaty :). If you didn’t know, this fic was named for the song ‘Is this love’ by Bob Marley. It’s goes along with the fic so well and is such a beautiful song!   
> I have chapter 2 already written and I’ll be posting it soon! I hope you guys enjoyed pining!keith and I promise it isn’t this sad forever! Follow me on tumblr @ pieceofsheith or on Twitter where I’m more active @ gay_shiro! Come yell at me!


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